On Being a Dad

Since it is actually Father's Day, I feel I should say something about it.

You would think that at my age, and considering the fact that my father left this world in 2019, I would not spend a lot of time thinking about him. But that is not the case. I think about him almost every day. I mull, I wonder, I hypothesize, I fume, I recollect, sometimes I even vent. But he has never left me. He is always there, in my subconscious. If you are a guy considering or involved in fatherhood, and reading this, you should think about that.

He was only 19 when he became a father and he was one of those people who should have waited until he was 32. I think that if he had started out as a father at 32, he would have been a Pretty Darn Good one. But at 19, well...not so much. He made a lot of mistakes and did a lot of phycological damage to at least two of his five children. And it was mostly due to a lack of maturity.

I loved my dad. I know he loved me. I know he loved my mother. Armed with that knowledge (which came to me late in life, thanks to my wonderful phycologist, Mary!) I have been able to get past a lot of the anger I carried around for the first 30+ years of my life.

Mostly what I have now is Wishing....I Wish he had been kind and not scary to the little me. I Wish he had laughed and played with me more. I Wish he had not been so angry. I Wish he had not been so strict. I Wish he had known how to listen. I Wish he had been able to be the Daddy I needed....

When I was about 38, I was going on and on to a friend about how upset I was at myself that I was a disappointment to my father. And he asked me, "Shouldn't it be at least as much of a concern to you that he is a disappointment to you, as a father?" And that was the turning point in my relationship with Daddy.

I know this is not the usual "Celebrate You Father" blog. But I am thinking of the younger generation of people that I love. The ones who have not yet started a family. If you are going to be a dad, be a good one. This is the one thing in life that you can do that will actually make a difference in the world. You treasure that little being. You nurture that little soul. Be Kind. Be Loving. Be Gentle. If you choose to take on the responsibility, do it properly and do it well. Fatherhood is not the place to skimp!

I hate dentists - Even the ones I love

OK... so, over the course of 30 years, I ran the front office for three different dentists. My baby brother IS a dentist. In my mouth, have 20 crowns, at least 10 root canals, and I am in the process of getting my second dental implant. Obviously, I have had peoples' hands in my mouth. But that does not mean I have ever liked it and most likely I never will. When the day for my dental appointment comes around, whether it is just a cleaning (my hygienist rocks!), a filling (my last boss is still my dentist and she is awesome!) or a dental implant (my dental surgeon, just yesterday, did a superb job installing an implant--thank you very much), my blood pressure goes up about 10 notches and I have trouble sleeping the night before. These are great people, but best kept across the desk from me...

However, I still hate dentists...I hate that I willingly give them permission to get RIGHT IN MY FACE!! That I allow them to do me the favor of giving me the only shot that Hurts Like Hell--into the roof of my mouth! That I let them put me all the way back, shine a light in my face and come at me, very slowly, with sharp, torturous instruments...Yep...not matter how much I love them, I HATE DENTISTS!

Getting old -Not recommended!

I remember the year I turned 55. I went to Missoula for doctors' appointments. Since I was still working, I would just scheduled everything I could into one very busy day. After seeing my endodontist, ophthalmologist, endocrinologist, the radiology department for a mammogram, and my general practitioner, I found that I had written over $2000 in checks and had absolutely nothing to show for it! Not even a pair of shoes! That was 11 years ago. Since then, the only good thing that has happened in that respect, is that I got Medicare. And now that I am retired, I can spread out my appointments a bit more.

Mind you, physiologically speaking, there is nothing really wrong with me. I just believe in taking care of my body as best I can...I kind of figure that this is the only body I am going to have in this go-round and I had better see to it that it lasts as long as the rest of me!

However, nobody ever told me to Really Appreciate my 20 and 30 year old body. For instance, I had no idea how skin changes...no longer is it soft and elastic-y. Unless I put moisturizer on it Every Single Day, it looks like crocodile scales. I mean, I knew I could expect wrinkles, but peri-oral dermatitis?? And why am I suddenly losing so much hair? I have dry mouth issues, but 8 cavities in a one year spread due to "Geriatric Mouth"?? And don't even get me started on sweaty boob issues...you can get a yeast infection THERE?? Honestly, if it were not for the alternative....

All I have to say to you cute young things is this...Appreciate what you have while you have it. Do not look at us 60-ish year old women with any kind of derision. Your day will come. Sorry...